I’m gonna try this, again…

I finally have a keyboard with which to bare my thoughts to anybody who wishes to read them. This is an admittedly small number of people. The membership likely will often be limited to myself. I do enjoy writing on occasion, though writing ability is not a skill to which I lay any real claim. Whether others enjoy reading my output as well is of less concern to me. Upcoming posts will concern my first fumbling steps into the art of bonsai, my wife, my dogs, my musical endeavours (I hope), other possible artistic endeavours, blogging, maybe even other family members. It is my sincere hope that any readers, if any, will be mildly entertained, or at least driven to a “Hmmmm…”

S

P.S. I encourage exploring the archives of the wonderul author and blogger Diane Henders. I find her blog to be truly inspirational.

http://blog.dianehenders.com/

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Tiger Nuts — Diane Henders

The other day I was surfing the internet, secure in my delusion that there aren’t too many things left that can surprise me. You see where this is going, right? Yep, I got a surprise. At first I thought it was only another instance of my self-diagnosed attention-deficit sexlexia, but on second glance I realized […]

via Tiger Nuts — Diane Henders

Merely A Slip Of The Tongue

ick…Ariadne gunk

nudge. wink. report.

arianagrandedonut

An apparently famous person, Ariana Grande, set off a minor firestorm last week when her tongue came in contact with a tray of donuts. Said donuts were on the counter of a donut shop at the time. Her tongue had a busy day indeed as it followed this up by leading the rest of her mouth in saying a rather filthy curse word, then “I hate Americans. I hate America.” Her tongue finished up its Tacky Tour by tangling with her boyfriend’s.

What at first glance appeared to be an unbelievable lapse in good manners made by someone who thinks she is above the rules that govern the rest of society, was actually a protest statement. Adriana was motivated solely by concern for America’s children. When she said “I hate America” what she really meant was “I hate (that so many children have had their health negatively impacted by…

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Scrotums Rule! …Or not.

Had to pass this along.

Author Diane Henders

Last week I mentioned that I hadn’t misread anything in a long while. Clearly that statement tempted fate, and fate was quick to retaliate.

To wit: There was a lot of buzz in the news this past week about the U.S. Supreme Court’s ruling on marriage equality, and it seems most American journalists are fond of acronyms. It took me a while to figure out that SCOTUS stands for Supreme Court Of The United States; probably because I read the acronym as ‘SCROTUMS’.

You can imagine my reaction when I read ‘SCROTUMS rules in gay marriage!’

‘Scrotums rules’? Did the new marriage ruling specify what constituted acceptable male equipment? That led me to wonder exactly what the specifications were, and who enforced the ruling. Were there inspections? Measurements? Wait, let me get my calipers…

Or, (I speculated) maybe they actually meant ‘scrotums rule!’, implying that the marriage of…

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On the road, again.

GeronimoCar One week ago, my wife’s sister (and sister’s husband) gave me an old car.  It’s a 1992 Mazda MX3 and it runs pretty well aside from an as yet unexplained oil leak, and a tendency to threaten death when coming to a stop while running the a/c.  And as you can see from the photo, the paint job leaves a bit to be desired.  The paint trouble appears to be a manufacturing defect and is mostly just the top layer.  After 25 years and nearly 270k miles of life in the desert, it seems to be doing fine.  Handles beautifully and is fun to drive.  Surprisingly peppy for a four-banger and very agile on curves and such.  The hardest part is trying to get in and out of the thing.  When standing next to it, the roof comes up to about my naval… and I’m only about 5’7″.  Anyway, when the car came to me it had been affectionately known as Spot for reasons I’m sure you can determine.  While cute, this seemed to me to be inadequate to the task because it seemed to me that the paint was not flaking off in spots, but in large patches.  A couple other names soon came to mind:

>>>Doc, after Patch Adams… fun, but not quite right.  plays on the missing patches of paint.  And the more obscure reference to the famous dwarf seemed appropriate due to the height of the car.

>>>Paint, because of the resemblance of the patches to the patterns on a painted pony… a little more fun, especially because of the obvious reference to the defective paint.

“What is a good name for a patchy car?” I muttered aloud while enjoying speeding along a curvy road.  Hearing myself made the light bulb go on. A patchy car… Apache chief.

Please join me in welcoming the newly christened Geronimo to the family.

Toilet Slide

Circling the drain…

Curmudgeon at Large

From a Time July 2014 article:

A new exhibit hopes to remove the taboo of “potty talk” — or flush it away — to raise awareness about pressing sewage disposal issues worldwide, as the UN estimates 2.5 billion people globally do not have access to proper sanitation.

Toi1     Toi2

People who visit The National Museum of Emerging Science and Innovation in Tokyo don hats shaped like poop and go down a slide inside a giant toilet that is supposed to simulate the journey of human excrement. Models of different toilets around the globe are also on display.

As one visitor summed the show’s draw, “It’s not every day that you can become feces.”

There is something both amusing and slightly disturbing about this exhibit.  Wearing a poop hat gives new meaning to getting shit-faced.

I can see The New Yorker, famous for its cartoon captions, having a contest on an…

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I have a bad feeling about this

There I am taking the bus to work yesterday.  It’s crowded, so everybody is sitting next to somebody.  There are about 8 – 10 driver trainees on board, part of the reason for the fullness of the bus.  I’m sitting next to one of the trainees, who is writing now and then in his notebook.  Being the nosy bastard that I am, I naturally look at what he is writing.  No surprise to discover that he is writing the directions for the route that we’re on.  I go back to looking out the window for a few blocks, then boredom compels me to look again at his notebook.  This is when I notice something odd.  He has the route number (45) written on both the left and right pages.  Not necessarily odd knowing that this route goes for an hour in one direction, then reverses for the next hour.  But now I finally see what has been tugging at my subconscious… he has written the word “Left” at the top of the left-hand page, with “Right” being at the top of the other.  Closer examination shows me that he is listing all the left hand turns on one page, and all the right hand turns on the other page.  I so wish I could be on the bus the first time he tries to follow his own instructions.

I think I’ll try this again.

I’m going to try this again.  More as a challenge to myself than for any other reason.  If I can keep myself to (at least) one post per week, I’ll consider the challenge met.  I’m in the process of getting my courage up to start a couple new adventures in my life.  One is to finally make an actual effort to get myself physically fit again.  I haven’t actually been what I would consider “fit” since about 1988.  Another is to start a small side business making and selling simple, hand-made jewelry with a folksy, slightly whimsical, southwestern desert influence.  More details of both journeys will follow.  I currently have 3 followers: one appears to no longer have a web address, one I went to high school with, and one is a personal defense related blog that is probably following by accident.  At first, it will probably only be Dan that pays any attention.  If you still watch WordPress, that is.

Wish me luck.

P.S.  Any advice will always be cheerfully accepted.  Whether or not it is actually followed is a different matter.