Acyrologia

Source: Acyrologia

An old favorite returns…

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Merely A Slip Of The Tongue

ick…Ariadne gunk

nudge. wink. report.

arianagrandedonut

An apparently famous person, Ariana Grande, set off a minor firestorm last week when her tongue came in contact with a tray of donuts. Said donuts were on the counter of a donut shop at the time. Her tongue had a busy day indeed as it followed this up by leading the rest of her mouth in saying a rather filthy curse word, then “I hate Americans. I hate America.” Her tongue finished up its Tacky Tour by tangling with her boyfriend’s.

What at first glance appeared to be an unbelievable lapse in good manners made by someone who thinks she is above the rules that govern the rest of society, was actually a protest statement. Adriana was motivated solely by concern for America’s children. When she said “I hate America” what she really meant was “I hate (that so many children have had their health negatively impacted by…

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Scrotums Rule! …Or not.

Had to pass this along.

Diane Henders

Last week I mentioned that I hadn’t misread anything in a long while. Clearly that statement tempted fate, and fate was quick to retaliate.

To wit: There was a lot of buzz in the news this past week about the U.S. Supreme Court’s ruling on marriage equality, and it seems most American journalists are fond of acronyms. It took me a while to figure out that SCOTUS stands for Supreme Court Of The United States; probably because I read the acronym as ‘SCROTUMS’.

You can imagine my reaction when I read ‘SCROTUMS rules in gay marriage!’

‘Scrotums rules’? Did the new marriage ruling specify what constituted acceptable male equipment? That led me to wonder exactly what the specifications were, and who enforced the ruling. Were there inspections? Measurements? Wait, let me get my calipers…

Or, (I speculated) maybe they actually meant ‘scrotums rule!’, implying that the marriage of…

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On the road, again.

GeronimoCar One week ago, my wife’s sister (and sister’s husband) gave me an old car.  It’s a 1992 Mazda MX3 and it runs pretty well aside from an as yet unexplained oil leak, and a tendency to threaten death when coming to a stop while running the a/c.  And as you can see from the photo, the paint job leaves a bit to be desired.  The paint trouble appears to be a manufacturing defect and is mostly just the top layer.  After 25 years and nearly 270k miles of life in the desert, it seems to be doing fine.  Handles beautifully and is fun to drive.  Surprisingly peppy for a four-banger and very agile on curves and such.  The hardest part is trying to get in and out of the thing.  When standing next to it, the roof comes up to about my naval… and I’m only about 5’7″.  Anyway, when the car came to me it had been affectionately known as Spot for reasons I’m sure you can determine.  While cute, this seemed to me to be inadequate to the task because it seemed to me that the paint was not flaking off in spots, but in large patches.  A couple other names soon came to mind:

>>>Doc, after Patch Adams… fun, but not quite right.  plays on the missing patches of paint.  And the more obscure reference to the famous dwarf seemed appropriate due to the height of the car.

>>>Paint, because of the resemblance of the patches to the patterns on a painted pony… a little more fun, especially because of the obvious reference to the defective paint.

“What is a good name for a patchy car?” I muttered aloud while enjoying speeding along a curvy road.  Hearing myself made the light bulb go on. A patchy car… Apache chief.

Please join me in welcoming the newly christened Geronimo to the family.

Toilet Slide

Circling the drain…

Curmudgeon at Large

From a Time July 2014 article:

A new exhibit hopes to remove the taboo of “potty talk” — or flush it away — to raise awareness about pressing sewage disposal issues worldwide, as the UN estimates 2.5 billion people globally do not have access to proper sanitation.

Toi1     Toi2

People who visit The National Museum of Emerging Science and Innovation in Tokyo don hats shaped like poop and go down a slide inside a giant toilet that is supposed to simulate the journey of human excrement. Models of different toilets around the globe are also on display.

As one visitor summed the show’s draw, “It’s not every day that you can become feces.”

There is something both amusing and slightly disturbing about this exhibit.  Wearing a poop hat gives new meaning to getting shit-faced.

I can see The New Yorker, famous for its cartoon captions, having a contest on an…

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Accidental soundtrack

I live in the Mojave Desert and ride the bus to work, which also involves a little walking.  Much of this time is spent listening to Pandora on my headphones.  My musical tastes are considered eccentric by many of my friends, though not all of them think so.  One of the feeds consists of music from movies.  This had led to the occasional epic coincidence.  Here are 2 of my favorites.

The bus was just pulling into traffic when Ride Of The Valkyrie started playing.

I was just passing a Joshua tree as I was starting a walk across a large vacant area when the theme from The Good, The Bad, And The Ugly started playing.  I actually laughed out loud at that one.