The other day I was surfing the internet, secure in my delusion that there aren’t too many things left that can surprise me. You see where this is going, right? Yep, I got a surprise. At first I thought it was only another instance of my self-diagnosed attention-deficit sexlexia, but on second glance I realized […]
You all should read this!
When I first started this blog a few years ago, I fully intended to follow through with regular posts. I’ve obviously not followed through. So… Since then I’ve gained a beautiful daughter-in-law; my lovely daughter has moved back to SoCal, and gotten a sweet promotion; my son has joined the USN and is now a VLS tech on a Ticonderoga-class missile cruiser.
An old favorite returns…
An apparently famous person, Ariana Grande, set off a minor firestorm last week when her tongue came in contact with a tray of donuts. Said donuts were on the counter of a donut shop at the time. Her tongue had a busy day indeed as it followed this up by leading the rest of her mouth in saying a rather filthy curse word, then “I hate Americans. I hate America.” Her tongue finished up its Tacky Tour by tangling with her boyfriend’s.
What at first glance appeared to be an unbelievable lapse in good manners made by someone who thinks she is above the rules that govern the rest of society, was actually a protest statement. Adriana was motivated solely by concern for America’s children. When she said “I hate America” what she really meant was “I hate (that so many children have had their health negatively impacted by…
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Had to pass this along.
Last week I mentioned that I hadn’t misread anything in a long while. Clearly that statement tempted fate, and fate was quick to retaliate.
To wit: There was a lot of buzz in the news this past week about the U.S. Supreme Court’s ruling on marriage equality, and it seems most American journalists are fond of acronyms. It took me a while to figure out that SCOTUS stands for Supreme Court Of The United States; probably because I read the acronym as ‘SCROTUMS’.
You can imagine my reaction when I read ‘SCROTUMS rules in gay marriage!’
‘Scrotums rules’? Did the new marriage ruling specify what constituted acceptable male equipment? That led me to wonder exactly what the specifications were, and who enforced the ruling. Were there inspections? Measurements? Wait, let me get my calipers…
Or, (I speculated) maybe they actually meant ‘scrotums rule!’, implying that the marriage of…
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One week ago, my wife’s sister (and sister’s husband) gave me an old car. It’s a 1992 Mazda MX3 and it runs pretty well aside from an as yet unexplained oil leak, and a tendency to threaten death when coming to a stop while running the a/c. And as you can see from the photo, the paint job leaves a bit to be desired. The paint trouble appears to be a manufacturing defect and is mostly just the top layer. After 25 years and nearly 270k miles of life in the desert, it seems to be doing fine. Handles beautifully and is fun to drive. Surprisingly peppy for a four-banger and very agile on curves and such. The hardest part is trying to get in and out of the thing. When standing next to it, the roof comes up to about my naval… and I’m only about 5’7″. Anyway, when the car came to me it had been affectionately known as Spot for reasons I’m sure you can determine. While cute, this seemed to me to be inadequate to the task because it seemed to me that the paint was not flaking off in spots, but in large patches. A couple other names soon came to mind:
>>>Doc, after Patch Adams… fun, but not quite right. plays on the missing patches of paint. And the more obscure reference to the famous dwarf seemed appropriate due to the height of the car.
>>>Paint, because of the resemblance of the patches to the patterns on a painted pony… a little more fun, especially because of the obvious reference to the defective paint.
“What is a good name for a patchy car?” I muttered aloud while enjoying speeding along a curvy road. Hearing myself made the light bulb go on. A patchy car… Apache chief.
Please join me in welcoming the newly christened Geronimo to the family.